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How to keep your anger in check: 3 tips from experts

By · Published by Everything Blog

In short

Preventing destructive outbursts involves recognizing personal vulnerabilities and adjusting expectations of others rather than demanding they change. Experts note that recurring disputes typically stem from predictable triggers, making advance preparation essential for emotional regulation. Raymond DiGiuseppe from St. John’s University suggests visualizing high-stress scenarios beforehand and rehearsing concrete alternatives, such as briefly leaving the room. Pairing these rehearsed responses with calming or humorous phrases helps diffuse volatile situations before they fully escalate.

Key points

  • Accepting people as they are helps transform recurring personal conflicts into shared cha…: Accepting people as they are helps transform recurring personal conflicts into shared challenges that can be tackled cooperatively.
  • Adopting a new behavioral response during an argument requires mental rehearsal long befo…: Adopting a new behavioral response during an argument requires mental rehearsal long before the confrontation actually takes place.
  • Combining practical coping phrases with realistic interpersonal expectations releases emo…: Combining practical coping phrases with realistic interpersonal expectations releases emotional pressure before disputes spin out of control.

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From adjusting your expectations of others to rehearsing calmer responses, psychologists explain how small changes can help prevent heated exchanges.

Stopping yourself before you erupt in anger takes practise, and it starts with recognising patterns. The most obvious is that we are more likely to lose control when we are tired or stressed. “We all have less bandwidth when we are overwhelmed,” said Chris Huffine, a psychologist in Portland, Oregon, and the executive director of Allies in Change, a counselling nonprofit that promotes healthy relationships.

Fortunately, there are things you can do to release some pressure. Here’s what experts have to say.

DON'T EXPECT PEOPLE TO CHANGE

Anger often bubbles up from wanting someone to simply be different. Or, let’s face it, more like you. “Expect people to be who they are, not who you want them to be,” Dr Huffine said.

This does not mean you let a loved one off the hook. Accepting that you have different standards – whether about how to do the laundry or how often you see your in-laws – can help keep you…

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