Minor Issues
Which rule made the biggest difference in managing my children’s screen time?
SINGAPORE – I am generally a relaxed parent. I don’t impose a curfew on my teenagers, trusting that they will return at a reasonable hour.
When they bring home less-than-ideal test scores, I calmly ask what went wrong and offer to get them help.
But the one area I am not chill about was their screen time when they were younger.
My children are now 20, 17 and 10. As a parent concerned about the harmful effects of excessive screen time, I have tried implementing a range of rules over the years: from providing a SIM card with limited data to requiring them to leave their mobile phone in the living room at night to delaying access to social media.
I reluctantly handed my eldest child a mobile phone when he was 13. It was a hand-me-down phone paired with a SIM card that had only 500MB of data.
I figured that with a slow phone and limited data, he would not be able to spend much time on it.
I figured wrong. Where there is a will, there is a way, especially when it comes to teenagers and screens.
With Wi-Fi widely available, the lack of mobile data was hardly an obstacle.
Without family control applications and clear boundaries, I spent a lot of time arguing with him over the amount of time he was spending on the screen.
Connection before correction
With a strong-willed child like my son, rules provide structure, but gaining his buy-in is a must.
So we had many conversations, where I explained that my primary concern was excessive screen time and the risk of gaming addiction.
To bolster my argument, I shared research articles with him on how excessive screen time impacts the developing brain. I wanted him to understand the risks, even though he insisted his screen use was under control.
I explained that the rules were there to help us manage his habits – for instance, requiring his mobile phone to be left in the living room overnight.
I reminded him that he should balance screen time with other activities, and I made sure to spend time with him doing things he enjoyed.
Connecting with him and helping him realise the rules were there for his own good made him much more willing to accept the restrictions.
For my son, keeping his phone in the living room at night proved to be the most effective screen rule, preventing him from staying up late on his device during secondary school.
Delay is the way
When it was time for my daughter to get a mobile phone three years later, I applied what I had learnt from my experience with her brother.
We still gave her an old mobile phone and she took over her brother’s 500MB SIM card.
In addition to our existing rules, I used the Family Link app to preset agreed daily screen limits, required permission before app downloads, and held off on allowing social media access.
Without the distraction of social media, she continued to nurture her love for reading, devouring e-books one after another. She also picked up hobbies like knitting, finding craft ideas from YouTube videos.
Just as I had done with her brother, I explained the rationale behind the restrictions and shared with her about the impact of social media on mental health, especially for teenage girls.
I emphasised that the idea is to delay her use of social media and not ban it indefinitely.
In 2026, at 17, she finally downloaded Instagram. She later shared that she was glad she had waited.
For my daughter, who had little interest in gaming, delaying social media made the single biggest difference.
Modelling the behaviour
The most challenging rule to abide by is to model the behaviour I hope to see in my children. But I continuously try.
When I am not working, I make it a point to put away my mobile phone when they talk to me to give them my full attention.
If I need to use my phone while with them, I explain why. For instance, letting them know I need to quickly reply to an urgent e-mail or message.
After navigating screen time with teenagers in recent years, I have learnt that engaging them even with rules in place is far more effective than relying solely on strict bans.
Simple boundaries – like requiring permission before downloading apps, putting devices away during meals and leaving phones in the living room overnight – help to protect family time.
Delaying social media also encourages habits like reading and helps to shield teens from online dangers like cyberbullying.
Yet, restrictions alone are not enough. We also do fun offline activities together, like playing card games or cycling, to remind them that enjoyable experiences happen in real life, not just online.
American social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation: How The Great Rewiring Of Childhood Is Causing An Epidemic Of Mental Illness (2024), says that the most important rule for managing screen use is to keep devices out of the bedroom.
“What we want to avoid is kids consuming content on their own, especially alone in their bedroom and at night,” he says, explaining that a combination of low willpower late in the day, loneliness, darkness and time stolen from sleep “have led to really bad outcomes for kids”.
Looking back, there is no single screen rule that works as a magic wand for every child.
But establishing clear boundaries, maintaining open communication and modelling good habits have made all the difference in building healthy digital routines for our family.